Sunday, August 11, 2013
Sleep problems, as usual
So apparently, with rare exception, I only blog when I am having parenting problems. Honestly, I have thought of posting about this for a couple weeks, but have held off because I felt like I should be able to muddle through it on my own. But things are only getting worse, so any help I can get would be appreciated. If you know someone who has had a similar problem, please forward this post to him/her for me.
Some of you may remember my FB status from a few months ago about taking LG off the multivitamin, and the wonderful changes that had on his behavior. I still stand by that experience. We had a solid month or so of improved behavior. And I reference that to substantiate that I know my son, and I know when he is "just being three" and when something else is going on. We are back to having behavior problems. I know the culprit this time - he needs 12 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period to be baseline well-behaved, 13 to be happy and helpful. For the past several weeks, he's been getting around 10. I am not sure what started it all (sickness, vacation, family staying over...they all may have been factors), but it has led to a vicious cycle of poor sleep, and his overtiredness seems to cause him to sleep even poorer. Here are things we either have always done and/or have tried to address this all:
1. Bedtime routine - Brush teeth, go potty, jammies, scriptures, family prayer, three stories, personal prayer, last-chance-potty, hugs and kisses, then he turns on his light show (lights and music), and we check on him 15-20 minutes later (when he often has already fallen asleep and is out cold). The light show-check-on-him routine seems to work as a transition time for him to calm down enough to fall asleep. The whole routine from the brushing teeth probably takes 45 minutes, give or take 15 depending on the night.
2. I wondered if this was an eating-too-much-processed-food problem, so I replaced the breakfast cereal with smoothies (OJ, flaxseed meal, spinach, banana, strawberries, blueberries), and replaced the lunchmeat sandwiches with sunflower seed butter and honey sandwiches (I tried adding variety to lunch but LG is addicted to the sunflower seed butter now and asks for it every day). I try to do healthy dinners. When he is really acting out, he doesn't get a treat for dessert, so he has been having a lot less sugar the past week or two, too.
3. I've tried to give him more one-on-one time with me this past week, and really engaging with him better during that time.
4. We've taken him to parks to get his energy out (finally got the playset set up in the backyard last night, thanks to the help of several neighbors and ward members!).
5. Nighttime potty training - he was recently waking up at least 1-2 times a night to use the potty, and was afraid to go without us, so he would wake us up each time. We have trained him this past week to go by himself at night - he is doing better, but I don't think he is going back to sleep afterwards. He turns on his lightshow and often gets up again in half an hour or so. We have tried limiting the water he drinks before bed and during the night.
6. Kids' Mellow - saw an ad for this at Sprouts market a few days ago; it's an herbal blend of chamomile, valerian root, and a couple other things that is supposed to help calm down children and help them relax. I was skeptical, but willing to try anything. I haven't really noticed much of a difference.
7. The problem most of the time seems to center around waking up in the night or waking up too early, rather than going to bed to begin with - we have tried using a little bunny nightlight that has a sleeping bunny and an awake bunny. LG knows that when the bunny is sleeping he needs to be in bed. When it is awake he can get up. But he still gets up and stays up in the morning, as I've mentioned. I have tried a reward system the past 5-7 nights or so where if he doesn't wake us up and goes right back to bed after going potty during the night, he can earn a Hotwheels car. He has only earned one car so far. He REALLY wants cars, so I am not sure what could possibly motivate him more as a reward than that.
One thing I have not successfully been able to implement is an earlier bedtime. I aim for 6:30. I can't really justify starting dinner for the family earlier than 5, though, and dinner typically takes an hour (or more). That, with the bedtime routine, and the fact that Will often isn't home before the kids are about to be in bed (so I'm getting them both ready by myself, which takes even longer) means he typically goes to bed around 7:30.
The behavior is really wearing me down. Hitting, kicking, biting, pinching, melting down, just about anything can flare up at the slightest hint of things not going the way he wants. He is aggressive towards BabyG, as well. He doesn't think rationally like he would when he has slept well, so time-outs or lost treats don't dissuade him at all, and when the punishment occurs, it only sets him off to worse behavior. Trust me, I have tried to be positive, and to shower him with praise when he does well. I try to make sure to cuddle him and reassure him of my love several times a day. I am working on better self-control so that I am a good example for him (with prayer, I am able to hold it together well enough most days, but it gets increasingly difficult). I have fasted about all of this. I have worked to be better with my personal scripture study so that I can be more receptive to guidance. I realize that this problem is more about me learning to be less selfish and become a better parent than it is about any "problems" with LG. And I know that tantrums and behavior problems are normal for a three-year old. But I still feel like I might be missing something and would love to hear any ideas or suggestions. (For those who do 6:30 bedtimes, for instance, how do you do it?)
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
My Experience with Natural Childbirth
Some people may wonder why I chose to attempt to give birth naturally (no drugs). If someone had told my eight-year-old self I would want/attempt to do that, I would have snorted derisively. I recall my mom telling me about childbirth around that age, and I had responded by swearing never to have any kids to put myself through something like that. However, once I became pregnant with LG, I started being interested in natural childbirth - probably due to my SIL's (Alena, a traditional midwife) belief in it. I didn't prepare adequately for that with him, though, so I ended up with an induction and an epidural. I decided to do Hypnobabies with BabyG, and it involved a LOT of preparation. My desire, though, was to EXPERIENCE this most mortal of experiences - to allow my body to do what it had been created to do with little to no intervention at all. I wanted that to be a gift to BabyG, and I wanted to prove to myself that I was capable of doing it. In retrospect, I am SO grateful I did it. BabyG is so robust and healthy, and I attribute that to my eating healthily and exercising consistently while pregnant, and to not being induced.
A quick explanation of Hypnobabies. I did the self-study program, which includes 6 CDs and a study book. You listen to one CD every night (each one is about 30-40 minutes long), during which you practice going into deep hypnosis and complete relaxation. You must start at least 5 weeks before your due date (I think I started around 8 weeks before). It definitely took a large chunk of time each night, but considering it was focusing on relaxation, it was not unpleasant beyond simply being time consuming. You’re supposed to practice entering hypnosis without the CDs several times a day…I could never get myself to work that into my life somehow. The point of the program is to basically reprogram your mindset about labor and delivery to think about it positively and to expect it to be pleasant, beautiful and pain-free. Yes, you kind of have to take that with a grain of salt. But I truly believe that the more you put in to it (or “give in” to it!), the more effective it will be. I think putting that much time, preparation, and thought in to readying yourself for childbirth – in and of itself – is incredibly helpful. The Hypnobabies program also has short lessons you read (one a week) to educate you on health, birthing plans, etc. I liked how it forced me to think about things ahead of time and make some decisions. Not that everything will go according to plan (does it ever?), but it helps to think things through and have an opinion formed, then prepare to be flexible based on circumstances!
I’ll go through the birth story momentarily, but to get to the heart of my experience, I do think that (a) Hypnobabies gave me the tools and skills to give birth naturally (mainly by practicing and engraining relaxation and positivity into my brain so that labor could progress quickly and smoothly), and (b) that natural childbirth was a fantastic experience for me. Yes, it was still very painful and difficult – but only for about two hours. And at the end of those two hours I felt empowered. I felt the “fullness” of my womanhood, if that makes sense. I felt an enormous sense of accomplishment – probably greater than any other goal I’ve ever met. And the icing on the cake: I felt great! Nurses in the newborn unit claimed I didn’t look like I’d just given birth (maybe they were just being nice, but still). I had no tearing (I’d done perineal massage in the weeks leading up to the birth). Compare that to LG’s birth, where the pain lasted 7+ hours and once I’d received an epidural, LG’s and my heart rate plummeted and I had to be put on oxygen… yeah. I’ll take Door #2, thank you very much.
On to the birth story. I was due on May 5th. The evening of May 2nd, we watched We Bought a Zoo. Alena took a tummy pic of me (she and Will’s mom had been staying with us for the past week or more in preparation for the birth – Alena was reprising her role as my doula for this second birth). I went to bed and then woke up around 2:30, right when Will and everyone were going to bed - which was lucky, because my water broke in the bathroom (déjà vu!) and I didn't know how I'd alert any of them for help/guidance. Alena recommended I go back to bed and try to sleep. I tried to relax but was having trouble (fancy that!), so I put on some relaxing music and was eventually able to sleep a bit. I'd have contractions here and there, but they'd let up to let me sleep for chunks of time.
I woke up around the time LG woke up (8:15ish), and decided I wouldn't be sleeping anymore. Will took LG to daycare and I got out of bed for my morning prayer. I remember mentioning my gratitude for the experience I was about to have, and asking for perspective to appreciate the opportunity to experience it. I felt ready to embrace whatever would happen that day. I got up and got our green shakes ready, then had a shower and listened to my Birthing Affirmations track for the first time. It was a good confidence booster to help me approach the day positively. My contractions had been becoming "crampy," and I found it felt good to sway back and forth when they came on. I didn't feel BabyG moving around quite as much, but did feel her moving and wasn't particularly concerned that she was having any kind of trouble.
I called my mom at 10:47 (yes, that’s the exact time according to the cell phone record. I wrote this birth story within a week or so of the birth and thought it would be helpful to note the times of these phone calls for context) and let her know what was going on (sitting Indian style on the floor just as a different position for a bit). Then I got up and had some cereal while I still felt like eating. I then started sweeping the laminate (I hadn't swept and mopped in AGES!), talking to Alena and Will's mom here and there about how things were progressing. I started asking Alena when we should call the midwife around 11:15. I had to lean against a wall a few times to relax through some contractions, but besides that I was laughing and feeling really good and positive. I started mopping, and had to lean on the mop or even go down on hands and knees to get through some contractions.
Finally, we had Will call the midwife (I think it was around 12 or 12:30). I had gotten my birthing ball out and was beginning to have to moan to get through the contractions. Will asked if he had time to shower or if we should just go, and I said we definitely needed to go. My mom had called in the middle of one contraction, then called again at 1:07 and this time I answered (I was in between contractions) and let her know the update. The contractions were starting to get much more powerful and closer together. I mentioned to Alena that I was worried about giving birth in the car and wanted to get going. Will gave me a blessing before we left, talking about focusing on BabyG and on the Spirit throughout the process - to remember and recognize the significance of what was happening despite how challenging things would be. I remember dreading the ride to the hospital and starting to feel anxious about the progression of the labor and the likelihood that things would get worse and had a ways yet to go.
Will got me in the car and I leaned over my doubled-up body pillow and began listening to my Easy First Stage track of Hypnobabies on headphones. It did succeed in calming me down and helping me relax for a while – I actually didn't even need to moan through most of the van ride. I felt the van move as we headed to the hospital and kept a small part of my mind open to where we were on our way there, but I tried to focus on the instructions I was hearing and force myself to relax. As we got 4-5 minutes away it got harder and harder. I was also burning up, but didn't want to pull myself out of hypnosis to ask for more air (when I told Alena about that afterwards, she said I was likely overheating because I was in Transition stage). Alena pulled up in front of the hospital, and Will ran in to get a wheelchair for me. Each time we had to make a change of the current situation (moving from one position or place to another), I felt a sense of panic - I wanted to stay put to focus through contractions, and was nervous about what any changes would bring on for me. But each time, I tried to recognize that I didn't really have a choice and might as well move forward.
The nurse pushed me into the hospital and to the elevator. I heard her making small talk with Will and at one point felt her squeeze my shoulder reassuringly. I was hunched over the side of the chair, still hugging my pillows. It was getting harder to listen to the Hypnobabies as I heard conversations going on around me. They got me into the triage room and told me to put on the hospital gown. Then, the nurse bluntly told me to get on the bed so she could check me and so they could put the baby monitor on. I shook my head and said I didn't want to get in the bed. The nurse (who was not the most polite human being) insisted, so I got on and tried to breathe and relax through being checked. I heard laughter and all kinds of noisy conversation out in the hallway - not cool! The nurse said I was a 7 or an 8 - that was a huge relief to me to hear, since with LG I'd been stuck at a 5 for forever. I had a few contractions on the bed and sat up through them. At home and right now, Alena was helping apply pressure to my back and/or hips to help ease the back labor, which helped a lot at times.
Then they told me to walk to my labor and delivery room. Seriously?? Walk?!? I balked at the idea. But they said it was just around the corner, and again I recognized that I didn’t really have a choice. So they draped a sheet around me and walked with me to the room. When we got to the room, I started to REALLY dread what was coming and wonder if I could make it through the experience ahead. In hindsight, all the changes I dreaded throughout the experience were probably helping me progress substantially in dilating and in BabyG dropping - walking to the van, sitting there and in the wheelchair and in the bed, kneeling on the floor, walking in the hospital, sitting on the toilet, and then going to kneel on the floor (and then kneel in the bed). A new nurse had joined us and very testily insisted that we get the monitor on this baby RIGHT NOW. I remember saying, "I'm trying!" (as in, what more do you want me to do??). By this time, the contractions were coming fast and furious and I started crying. Will asked if I wanted the Hypnobabies on the headphones and I hurriedly told him to put it on the speakers so I didn't have to use the headphones. Once it was on, I wondered why in the world we bothered having it because it was just added noise/confusion to the environment.
I was clutching a pillow in front of me (they'd recommended I get on the bed when I'd originally knelt on the floor by the bed - then they tried to get me to shift whenever I wasn't mid-contraction so that I'd be in a good position). I was SO HOT I could barely stand it, and was wondering if they in fact had AC in the hospital. At some point, the midwife, Claudia, came in (she was in the midst of an extremely busy birthing day at the hospital). She seemed very pleased with how things were progressing. Alena was giving me pep talks, and I remember at some point looking for Will and asking him to hold my hand - I needed his reassurance that I was doing okay, because I was increasingly feeling a loss of control. I was sobbing through the contractions and felt rather humiliated that I wasn't being calm and confident like I'd tried to prepare to be (though Alena has since said I did a fantastic job). The thought did cross my mind a few fleeting moments that perhaps an epidural wouldn't be such a bad idea, but I tried to ignore those thoughts.
Claudia then started talking to me about pushing - one of the first things she said was that I could potentially get BabyG out with the next contraction if I pushed. I thought to myself, "yeah, right!" - it was incomprehensible to me that I could be ready to start pushing. I felt no need/desire to push and didn't think we'd progressed that far (I had thought we had hours ahead of us still). One or two contractions passed without my acting on their suggestions, but then Alena started reassuring me that I could start pushing if I felt like it. I tried to explain that I didn't feel like we were at that point yet, but no one seemed to believe me - so I took that as a sign that I guessed they knew and I didn't. This experience demonstrates to me what King Benjamin meant in Mosiah 3:19 about becoming like a little child: “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” What Claudia and Alena were telling me at that point didn't make sense to me, and was scary to me - but I knew that they could see what I couldn't see and that I had to trust them and their judgment. So I started pushing.
I had to practically yell through the pushes to deal with the pain. I was surprised to find that I did get a few breaks here and there, but spent the entirety of them hyperventilating and panicking about the returning pain (saying "I can't do this!" repeatedly). Claudia talked about starting to see BabyG, so I pushed harder. Finally, I could feel myself stretching as she prepared to come out, and then there was a NEW pain to discover. :) Not pleasant, man. I wanted that OVER with, and felt there was no way she was going to fit through the opening she was attempting to exit. At this point, I think my brain practically turned off so that I could devote all energy and focus to getting through the next few minutes and getting BabyG here.
Finally (FINALLY – and it’s a bit ironic I say that, since we got to the hospital around 2 and BabyG was born at 2:45), I felt the enormously relieving, slippery-slideyness of her leaving me, and they immediately passed her up to me. She was covered in white goopiness but was red and wriggling, full of life and perfect in every way. With the birth having gone so smoothly and simply, they helped me turn around and let me hold her skin-to-skin right away (and for a long time). The midwife noticed that there was a "true knot" in the cord, meaning sometime during the pregnancy, BabyG had moved around and gotten it tied up - apparently that could have been extremely dangerous...thank goodness nothing bad came of it! The midwife seemed pretty surprised about it. Apparently the cord was quite long. They clamped it on both ends (it had stopped pulsating relatively quickly), and Will cut it. And I just held her and looked at her and marveled at the miracle in which I'd just taken part.
And there you have it. On my postpartum visit to the midwife clinic, the midwife I met (not Claudia) said that Claudia had said I was a rockstar in my labor, or something like that. So it sounds like all things considered, I did pretty well. BabyG was 8 lbs 6 oz when she was born, so she wasn’t petite or anything, either! I’m sure some will read this birth story and think many of the things that bothered me were due to birthing in a hospital. I’m not ready for home birth yet (it might never be something I want) – I will happily take the inconveniences I experienced for the peace of mind I personally needed from being at the hospital. I am very grateful that I’ve had Alena and midwives attend both of my children’s births, though, and can’t recommend midwives highly enough in general.
None of this is meant to brag, nor to convince anyone else to do what I did. Epidurals are wonderful things (I don’t know what I’d have done without the epidural for LG’s birth!!), and childbirth is an intensely personal experience filled with intensely personal decisions. I do write this to glory in the human body and what it can do. To note that sometimes experiencing pain (and even, in a way, embracing it) can be incredibly life affirming. And to put my experience, (with all its ups and downs) out there for those who are curious and considering natural childbirth, in case it’s helpful for anyone.
A quick explanation of Hypnobabies. I did the self-study program, which includes 6 CDs and a study book. You listen to one CD every night (each one is about 30-40 minutes long), during which you practice going into deep hypnosis and complete relaxation. You must start at least 5 weeks before your due date (I think I started around 8 weeks before). It definitely took a large chunk of time each night, but considering it was focusing on relaxation, it was not unpleasant beyond simply being time consuming. You’re supposed to practice entering hypnosis without the CDs several times a day…I could never get myself to work that into my life somehow. The point of the program is to basically reprogram your mindset about labor and delivery to think about it positively and to expect it to be pleasant, beautiful and pain-free. Yes, you kind of have to take that with a grain of salt. But I truly believe that the more you put in to it (or “give in” to it!), the more effective it will be. I think putting that much time, preparation, and thought in to readying yourself for childbirth – in and of itself – is incredibly helpful. The Hypnobabies program also has short lessons you read (one a week) to educate you on health, birthing plans, etc. I liked how it forced me to think about things ahead of time and make some decisions. Not that everything will go according to plan (does it ever?), but it helps to think things through and have an opinion formed, then prepare to be flexible based on circumstances!
I’ll go through the birth story momentarily, but to get to the heart of my experience, I do think that (a) Hypnobabies gave me the tools and skills to give birth naturally (mainly by practicing and engraining relaxation and positivity into my brain so that labor could progress quickly and smoothly), and (b) that natural childbirth was a fantastic experience for me. Yes, it was still very painful and difficult – but only for about two hours. And at the end of those two hours I felt empowered. I felt the “fullness” of my womanhood, if that makes sense. I felt an enormous sense of accomplishment – probably greater than any other goal I’ve ever met. And the icing on the cake: I felt great! Nurses in the newborn unit claimed I didn’t look like I’d just given birth (maybe they were just being nice, but still). I had no tearing (I’d done perineal massage in the weeks leading up to the birth). Compare that to LG’s birth, where the pain lasted 7+ hours and once I’d received an epidural, LG’s and my heart rate plummeted and I had to be put on oxygen… yeah. I’ll take Door #2, thank you very much.
On to the birth story. I was due on May 5th. The evening of May 2nd, we watched We Bought a Zoo. Alena took a tummy pic of me (she and Will’s mom had been staying with us for the past week or more in preparation for the birth – Alena was reprising her role as my doula for this second birth). I went to bed and then woke up around 2:30, right when Will and everyone were going to bed - which was lucky, because my water broke in the bathroom (déjà vu!) and I didn't know how I'd alert any of them for help/guidance. Alena recommended I go back to bed and try to sleep. I tried to relax but was having trouble (fancy that!), so I put on some relaxing music and was eventually able to sleep a bit. I'd have contractions here and there, but they'd let up to let me sleep for chunks of time.
I woke up around the time LG woke up (8:15ish), and decided I wouldn't be sleeping anymore. Will took LG to daycare and I got out of bed for my morning prayer. I remember mentioning my gratitude for the experience I was about to have, and asking for perspective to appreciate the opportunity to experience it. I felt ready to embrace whatever would happen that day. I got up and got our green shakes ready, then had a shower and listened to my Birthing Affirmations track for the first time. It was a good confidence booster to help me approach the day positively. My contractions had been becoming "crampy," and I found it felt good to sway back and forth when they came on. I didn't feel BabyG moving around quite as much, but did feel her moving and wasn't particularly concerned that she was having any kind of trouble.
I called my mom at 10:47 (yes, that’s the exact time according to the cell phone record. I wrote this birth story within a week or so of the birth and thought it would be helpful to note the times of these phone calls for context) and let her know what was going on (sitting Indian style on the floor just as a different position for a bit). Then I got up and had some cereal while I still felt like eating. I then started sweeping the laminate (I hadn't swept and mopped in AGES!), talking to Alena and Will's mom here and there about how things were progressing. I started asking Alena when we should call the midwife around 11:15. I had to lean against a wall a few times to relax through some contractions, but besides that I was laughing and feeling really good and positive. I started mopping, and had to lean on the mop or even go down on hands and knees to get through some contractions.
Finally, we had Will call the midwife (I think it was around 12 or 12:30). I had gotten my birthing ball out and was beginning to have to moan to get through the contractions. Will asked if he had time to shower or if we should just go, and I said we definitely needed to go. My mom had called in the middle of one contraction, then called again at 1:07 and this time I answered (I was in between contractions) and let her know the update. The contractions were starting to get much more powerful and closer together. I mentioned to Alena that I was worried about giving birth in the car and wanted to get going. Will gave me a blessing before we left, talking about focusing on BabyG and on the Spirit throughout the process - to remember and recognize the significance of what was happening despite how challenging things would be. I remember dreading the ride to the hospital and starting to feel anxious about the progression of the labor and the likelihood that things would get worse and had a ways yet to go.
Will got me in the car and I leaned over my doubled-up body pillow and began listening to my Easy First Stage track of Hypnobabies on headphones. It did succeed in calming me down and helping me relax for a while – I actually didn't even need to moan through most of the van ride. I felt the van move as we headed to the hospital and kept a small part of my mind open to where we were on our way there, but I tried to focus on the instructions I was hearing and force myself to relax. As we got 4-5 minutes away it got harder and harder. I was also burning up, but didn't want to pull myself out of hypnosis to ask for more air (when I told Alena about that afterwards, she said I was likely overheating because I was in Transition stage). Alena pulled up in front of the hospital, and Will ran in to get a wheelchair for me. Each time we had to make a change of the current situation (moving from one position or place to another), I felt a sense of panic - I wanted to stay put to focus through contractions, and was nervous about what any changes would bring on for me. But each time, I tried to recognize that I didn't really have a choice and might as well move forward.
The nurse pushed me into the hospital and to the elevator. I heard her making small talk with Will and at one point felt her squeeze my shoulder reassuringly. I was hunched over the side of the chair, still hugging my pillows. It was getting harder to listen to the Hypnobabies as I heard conversations going on around me. They got me into the triage room and told me to put on the hospital gown. Then, the nurse bluntly told me to get on the bed so she could check me and so they could put the baby monitor on. I shook my head and said I didn't want to get in the bed. The nurse (who was not the most polite human being) insisted, so I got on and tried to breathe and relax through being checked. I heard laughter and all kinds of noisy conversation out in the hallway - not cool! The nurse said I was a 7 or an 8 - that was a huge relief to me to hear, since with LG I'd been stuck at a 5 for forever. I had a few contractions on the bed and sat up through them. At home and right now, Alena was helping apply pressure to my back and/or hips to help ease the back labor, which helped a lot at times.
Then they told me to walk to my labor and delivery room. Seriously?? Walk?!? I balked at the idea. But they said it was just around the corner, and again I recognized that I didn’t really have a choice. So they draped a sheet around me and walked with me to the room. When we got to the room, I started to REALLY dread what was coming and wonder if I could make it through the experience ahead. In hindsight, all the changes I dreaded throughout the experience were probably helping me progress substantially in dilating and in BabyG dropping - walking to the van, sitting there and in the wheelchair and in the bed, kneeling on the floor, walking in the hospital, sitting on the toilet, and then going to kneel on the floor (and then kneel in the bed). A new nurse had joined us and very testily insisted that we get the monitor on this baby RIGHT NOW. I remember saying, "I'm trying!" (as in, what more do you want me to do??). By this time, the contractions were coming fast and furious and I started crying. Will asked if I wanted the Hypnobabies on the headphones and I hurriedly told him to put it on the speakers so I didn't have to use the headphones. Once it was on, I wondered why in the world we bothered having it because it was just added noise/confusion to the environment.
I was clutching a pillow in front of me (they'd recommended I get on the bed when I'd originally knelt on the floor by the bed - then they tried to get me to shift whenever I wasn't mid-contraction so that I'd be in a good position). I was SO HOT I could barely stand it, and was wondering if they in fact had AC in the hospital. At some point, the midwife, Claudia, came in (she was in the midst of an extremely busy birthing day at the hospital). She seemed very pleased with how things were progressing. Alena was giving me pep talks, and I remember at some point looking for Will and asking him to hold my hand - I needed his reassurance that I was doing okay, because I was increasingly feeling a loss of control. I was sobbing through the contractions and felt rather humiliated that I wasn't being calm and confident like I'd tried to prepare to be (though Alena has since said I did a fantastic job). The thought did cross my mind a few fleeting moments that perhaps an epidural wouldn't be such a bad idea, but I tried to ignore those thoughts.
The only picture I have with Claudia, my midwife (in yellow). I look so calm, haha!
Claudia then started talking to me about pushing - one of the first things she said was that I could potentially get BabyG out with the next contraction if I pushed. I thought to myself, "yeah, right!" - it was incomprehensible to me that I could be ready to start pushing. I felt no need/desire to push and didn't think we'd progressed that far (I had thought we had hours ahead of us still). One or two contractions passed without my acting on their suggestions, but then Alena started reassuring me that I could start pushing if I felt like it. I tried to explain that I didn't feel like we were at that point yet, but no one seemed to believe me - so I took that as a sign that I guessed they knew and I didn't. This experience demonstrates to me what King Benjamin meant in Mosiah 3:19 about becoming like a little child: “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” What Claudia and Alena were telling me at that point didn't make sense to me, and was scary to me - but I knew that they could see what I couldn't see and that I had to trust them and their judgment. So I started pushing.
Looking less calm, but being held together by wonderful Alena.
I had to practically yell through the pushes to deal with the pain. I was surprised to find that I did get a few breaks here and there, but spent the entirety of them hyperventilating and panicking about the returning pain (saying "I can't do this!" repeatedly). Claudia talked about starting to see BabyG, so I pushed harder. Finally, I could feel myself stretching as she prepared to come out, and then there was a NEW pain to discover. :) Not pleasant, man. I wanted that OVER with, and felt there was no way she was going to fit through the opening she was attempting to exit. At this point, I think my brain practically turned off so that I could devote all energy and focus to getting through the next few minutes and getting BabyG here.
Finally (FINALLY – and it’s a bit ironic I say that, since we got to the hospital around 2 and BabyG was born at 2:45), I felt the enormously relieving, slippery-slideyness of her leaving me, and they immediately passed her up to me. She was covered in white goopiness but was red and wriggling, full of life and perfect in every way. With the birth having gone so smoothly and simply, they helped me turn around and let me hold her skin-to-skin right away (and for a long time). The midwife noticed that there was a "true knot" in the cord, meaning sometime during the pregnancy, BabyG had moved around and gotten it tied up - apparently that could have been extremely dangerous...thank goodness nothing bad came of it! The midwife seemed pretty surprised about it. Apparently the cord was quite long. They clamped it on both ends (it had stopped pulsating relatively quickly), and Will cut it. And I just held her and looked at her and marveled at the miracle in which I'd just taken part.
With one of my nurses (on the left), Will and Alena.
Relieved that it's all over!
My wee darlin'.
And there you have it. On my postpartum visit to the midwife clinic, the midwife I met (not Claudia) said that Claudia had said I was a rockstar in my labor, or something like that. So it sounds like all things considered, I did pretty well. BabyG was 8 lbs 6 oz when she was born, so she wasn’t petite or anything, either! I’m sure some will read this birth story and think many of the things that bothered me were due to birthing in a hospital. I’m not ready for home birth yet (it might never be something I want) – I will happily take the inconveniences I experienced for the peace of mind I personally needed from being at the hospital. I am very grateful that I’ve had Alena and midwives attend both of my children’s births, though, and can’t recommend midwives highly enough in general.
None of this is meant to brag, nor to convince anyone else to do what I did. Epidurals are wonderful things (I don’t know what I’d have done without the epidural for LG’s birth!!), and childbirth is an intensely personal experience filled with intensely personal decisions. I do write this to glory in the human body and what it can do. To note that sometimes experiencing pain (and even, in a way, embracing it) can be incredibly life affirming. And to put my experience, (with all its ups and downs) out there for those who are curious and considering natural childbirth, in case it’s helpful for anyone.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Mothering and Mattering
“What would you do if you were stuck in one place, and every day was exactly the same and nothing that you did mattered?”
“That about sums it up for me.”
Say what you will about Groundhog Day (the movie), but I continue to gain new insights to life from it. This is the one that hit me this week, for a few reasons. It has been dismally wintery outside since Christmas. The snow won't go away, and the temperatures refuse to allow me the desire or opportunity to get out much. I can much better fathom Phil's hopelessness for the first half of the film - I'm starting to go crazy and it's only been a few weeks!
I've also been feeling a bit like Phil's synopsis of his plight "sums it up for me" in my day-to-day life at the moment. Disclaimer: I'm going to be honest here, and it will sound somewhat whiney, but please be assured that I am fully aware the "problems" I have are the best kind to have. My husband, by a miracle that I'll someday have to document, has a wonderful job which enables him to support our family and grow professionally. We have a happy marriage in which we both try hard to improve and communicate, and he is a fabulously hands-on dad to our two beautiful, healthy children. What else really matters? The fact is, though, that I'm going through an enormous transition in my life, and it's okay for me to have a bit of a rough time adjusting. I felt that maybe expressing some feelings might help a bit.
Two and a half months ago, I traded (mostly) the professional world for the realm of domesticity. I knew going into this that it wouldn't be easy - I was truthfully quite intimidated to become a stay-at-home mom to two children. In my "past life," I was blessed to have a job where I felt like what I did mattered. I received gratitude, respect, and recognition from students, faculty, and administrators. I indirectly assisted in educating healthcare professionals who in turn were bettering the lives of their patients and clients around the country. I had been in that position for almost seven years (and at the university for over eight years), so I had confidence in my own abilities and knowledge.
Now, I serve three people. One big, two little. One of the littles thinks he's pretty big.
And he thinks my full-time job is to entertain him. I try to comply much of the day. We do puzzles, we learn the alphabet, we play with blocks, we color. I let him help me make dinner, sweep and mop (goodness me, that task is made much more difficult with a kiddo following you around), clean the fridge, feed the cats (Note: we don't do all of these things every day. I'm just giving examples. I am not entertaining him THIS much every day, though he wants me to). I'm trying to show him the blessings that come from working together and accomplishing things. And while we're involved in these fun or productive activities, things go well enough. But it seems (and maybe it's just me, and just part of this transition I'm going through), that if I turn my attention to anything other than him for more than ten minutes, he starts looking for any way to get that attention back - which is often through doing something he knows he shouldn't do. I'm struggling with being patient, with reacting creatively to change his focus to something else. I find myself fighting feelings of resentment, and losing motivation to engage with him. In the back of my mind, I remember that I just need to relax and make life fun and see things from his perspective. I know that this time is so fleeting and before long I'll be the one vying for his attention. But I can't deny the pouty mindset that screams, "I'm TRYING! I'm not sitting on the couch watching soaps. I'm doing my best to juggle mothering with running our home. Doesn't my effort MATTER to you, or will it never be good enough??"
In Groundhog Day, Phil learns by the end of the movie that what he does DOES matter. Not a single factor changes in Punxatawney from the time he enters the town until the movie's end, EXCEPT Phil. Yet so much positive change occurs in a single day for the rest of the townsfolk, all because a single person chooses to find ways to MAKE what he does matter. Attitude truly is everything. I know this. I can only keep doing my best to live with the right attitude, one day at a time.
Things are going to get better with time. LG will figure out what it means to be the kid versus the parent. Will will eventually start coming home before 9PM every night (poor guy), which will help us all a great deal. And I will get used to this new normal, even though it will still be difficult much of the time. BabyG doesn't need to change a thing (she's perfect), and sadly she'll be the one changing the most.
I know my struggles are not even close to unique. Most mothers probably feel the same exact way much of the time. That doesn't make any of our trials any less important, though. To bookend this post with another movie quote (this one from Ghost Town), "We just get the one life, you know. Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. May be only to us, but it matters."
“That about sums it up for me.”
Say what you will about Groundhog Day (the movie), but I continue to gain new insights to life from it. This is the one that hit me this week, for a few reasons. It has been dismally wintery outside since Christmas. The snow won't go away, and the temperatures refuse to allow me the desire or opportunity to get out much. I can much better fathom Phil's hopelessness for the first half of the film - I'm starting to go crazy and it's only been a few weeks!
I've also been feeling a bit like Phil's synopsis of his plight "sums it up for me" in my day-to-day life at the moment. Disclaimer: I'm going to be honest here, and it will sound somewhat whiney, but please be assured that I am fully aware the "problems" I have are the best kind to have. My husband, by a miracle that I'll someday have to document, has a wonderful job which enables him to support our family and grow professionally. We have a happy marriage in which we both try hard to improve and communicate, and he is a fabulously hands-on dad to our two beautiful, healthy children. What else really matters? The fact is, though, that I'm going through an enormous transition in my life, and it's okay for me to have a bit of a rough time adjusting. I felt that maybe expressing some feelings might help a bit.
Two and a half months ago, I traded (mostly) the professional world for the realm of domesticity. I knew going into this that it wouldn't be easy - I was truthfully quite intimidated to become a stay-at-home mom to two children. In my "past life," I was blessed to have a job where I felt like what I did mattered. I received gratitude, respect, and recognition from students, faculty, and administrators. I indirectly assisted in educating healthcare professionals who in turn were bettering the lives of their patients and clients around the country. I had been in that position for almost seven years (and at the university for over eight years), so I had confidence in my own abilities and knowledge.
Now, I serve three people. One big, two little. One of the littles thinks he's pretty big.
In Groundhog Day, Phil learns by the end of the movie that what he does DOES matter. Not a single factor changes in Punxatawney from the time he enters the town until the movie's end, EXCEPT Phil. Yet so much positive change occurs in a single day for the rest of the townsfolk, all because a single person chooses to find ways to MAKE what he does matter. Attitude truly is everything. I know this. I can only keep doing my best to live with the right attitude, one day at a time.
Things are going to get better with time. LG will figure out what it means to be the kid versus the parent. Will will eventually start coming home before 9PM every night (poor guy), which will help us all a great deal. And I will get used to this new normal, even though it will still be difficult much of the time. BabyG doesn't need to change a thing (she's perfect), and sadly she'll be the one changing the most.
I know my struggles are not even close to unique. Most mothers probably feel the same exact way much of the time. That doesn't make any of our trials any less important, though. To bookend this post with another movie quote (this one from Ghost Town), "We just get the one life, you know. Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. May be only to us, but it matters."
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Non-sleeping kiddos make one harried mama
Five nights in a row now of crummy sleep. I am turning more and more into a zombie. Tons of conflicting thoughts in my head about what to do about it, or whether to do anything about it. Figured I'd just type it all out, however confusing it ends up sounding, to see if that act alone helps me find some clarity or gives me a sense of a plan to follow.
First, LG is taking at least an hour to fall asleep for naptime and for bedtime. He just changed daycares (huge adjustment!), he's still adjusting to having a baby sister and not being the sole center of our universe, and he's still a victim of the molars-that-are-taking-eighteen-months-to-come-in. In addition to the fighting sleep when it's time to sleep, he's been waking up in the middle of the night. Add to all his adjustments the fact that he's almost constantly overtired from not getting enough sleep and we have a toddler who's more often wired or melting down than one that's happy. Best I can figure this one is to just show him as much love as I can (or as I have patience for, which is difficult when I'm not sleeping either), and ride it out.
My sweet BabyG is such a wonderful baby. I can't get enough of her. And sleeping was going okay until a week ago - I would get 5 to 5.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep many nights, with just one feeding during the night. That feeding would last under 40 minutes. True, she wasn't great at napping (usually 30-40 minutes at most at a time), but she was cheerful. She got one shot (the dtap combo) and the rotavirus immunization at her 4-month visit on Monday. That night she didn't sleep great, but I attributed it to her feeling icky from the shot. Then Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and now last night. Wednesday was probably the worst (think that was the night for which I posted my status message on facebook?). I can't remember the patterns from each night anymore, so let's just go with last night. Usually BabyG falls asleep fairly well around 8-9, then REALLY well after a dream feeding of sorts around 10-11. At that point, I can put her in her Tucker sling and she goes RIGHT back to sleep. Last night she woke UP around 10 and decided it was playtime. I got her to bed around 12:15. She woke up at 4:10 (I think?) - four hours was pretty good for this week! I got her back down before 5. But then she woke up at 5:50 (just put the binky back in her mouth), 6:30 (binky didn't work so I got her up to feed her), and 8 (binky didn't work again so here we are). The hourly thing is typical for this week, that much I can remember. Why is she waking on an hourly basis? Random thoughts about this, in no particular order:
1. Growth spurt of the century? Do baby growth spurts ever last a week long? 2. One of the past nights she was refluxing quite a bit...could have been something I'd eaten - but not most of these last five nights that hasn't seemed to be a major issue. 3. Is she done using the Tucker sling? But with #2 that doesn't seem right. 4. Would she sleep better if I stopped swaddling her? I can't imagine she would... 5. Is she just wanting attention? Should I sleep train now?
And sleep training leads us to another quandary: 1. When BabyG cries, she does NOT stop unless she's picked up (and recently only if I'm the one that picks her up - even though I've made sure that lots of my coworkers, who are understandably in love with her, watch her whenever they're willing). She will cry and cry and cry - doesn't seem to tire from it. And when this girl cries, she CRIES. We're going to have a drama queen on our hands when she becomes a teenager. I just don't foresee my being able to sleep train her right now. 2. BabyG's crib is in the closet of her room, which shares a wall with the closet of LG's room where his bed is (neither closet has the doors on, in case you think we're that weird of parents). I can't really put either of them in the basement (not a super kid-friendly place), so how do I even attempt to sleep train her when he'll hear every sound she makes?
Or is this just a temporary phase she'll grow out of and I just need to ride it out? Her crazy short naps could be a result of her napping with me at work and never in a crib, but I haven't been able to help that, as I obviously couldn't nap train her at work - it's just a factor of the situation we've had, and BabyG and I have had to make due with our circumstances.
Sigh. If you've made it this long reading, thanks for listening to my rambling thoughts. There's likely no golden solution. I'll just do the best I can, try one or two ideas, use a lot of prayer (for ideas and for getting through this and for not getting sick from lack of sleep). I'm grateful for this gorgeous baby who MOST of the time is a bundle of smiles and joy. Amazingly, she doesn't seem to need as much sleep to be a happy baby. I guess I'd rather a happy baby than a grumpy baby who sleeps. I think. ;) I know I'll get through this and things will get better. That's the advantage of being on #2. I'm better able to just enjoy BabyG despite the challenges, knowing she will be this little for far too short a time. I just can't help hoping this little phase she's in is about over.
First, LG is taking at least an hour to fall asleep for naptime and for bedtime. He just changed daycares (huge adjustment!), he's still adjusting to having a baby sister and not being the sole center of our universe, and he's still a victim of the molars-that-are-taking-eighteen-months-to-come-in. In addition to the fighting sleep when it's time to sleep, he's been waking up in the middle of the night. Add to all his adjustments the fact that he's almost constantly overtired from not getting enough sleep and we have a toddler who's more often wired or melting down than one that's happy. Best I can figure this one is to just show him as much love as I can (or as I have patience for, which is difficult when I'm not sleeping either), and ride it out.
My sweet BabyG is such a wonderful baby. I can't get enough of her. And sleeping was going okay until a week ago - I would get 5 to 5.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep many nights, with just one feeding during the night. That feeding would last under 40 minutes. True, she wasn't great at napping (usually 30-40 minutes at most at a time), but she was cheerful. She got one shot (the dtap combo) and the rotavirus immunization at her 4-month visit on Monday. That night she didn't sleep great, but I attributed it to her feeling icky from the shot. Then Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and now last night. Wednesday was probably the worst (think that was the night for which I posted my status message on facebook?). I can't remember the patterns from each night anymore, so let's just go with last night. Usually BabyG falls asleep fairly well around 8-9, then REALLY well after a dream feeding of sorts around 10-11. At that point, I can put her in her Tucker sling and she goes RIGHT back to sleep. Last night she woke UP around 10 and decided it was playtime. I got her to bed around 12:15. She woke up at 4:10 (I think?) - four hours was pretty good for this week! I got her back down before 5. But then she woke up at 5:50 (just put the binky back in her mouth), 6:30 (binky didn't work so I got her up to feed her), and 8 (binky didn't work again so here we are). The hourly thing is typical for this week, that much I can remember. Why is she waking on an hourly basis? Random thoughts about this, in no particular order:
1. Growth spurt of the century? Do baby growth spurts ever last a week long? 2. One of the past nights she was refluxing quite a bit...could have been something I'd eaten - but not most of these last five nights that hasn't seemed to be a major issue. 3. Is she done using the Tucker sling? But with #2 that doesn't seem right. 4. Would she sleep better if I stopped swaddling her? I can't imagine she would... 5. Is she just wanting attention? Should I sleep train now?
And sleep training leads us to another quandary: 1. When BabyG cries, she does NOT stop unless she's picked up (and recently only if I'm the one that picks her up - even though I've made sure that lots of my coworkers, who are understandably in love with her, watch her whenever they're willing). She will cry and cry and cry - doesn't seem to tire from it. And when this girl cries, she CRIES. We're going to have a drama queen on our hands when she becomes a teenager. I just don't foresee my being able to sleep train her right now. 2. BabyG's crib is in the closet of her room, which shares a wall with the closet of LG's room where his bed is (neither closet has the doors on, in case you think we're that weird of parents). I can't really put either of them in the basement (not a super kid-friendly place), so how do I even attempt to sleep train her when he'll hear every sound she makes?
Or is this just a temporary phase she'll grow out of and I just need to ride it out? Her crazy short naps could be a result of her napping with me at work and never in a crib, but I haven't been able to help that, as I obviously couldn't nap train her at work - it's just a factor of the situation we've had, and BabyG and I have had to make due with our circumstances.
Sigh. If you've made it this long reading, thanks for listening to my rambling thoughts. There's likely no golden solution. I'll just do the best I can, try one or two ideas, use a lot of prayer (for ideas and for getting through this and for not getting sick from lack of sleep). I'm grateful for this gorgeous baby who MOST of the time is a bundle of smiles and joy. Amazingly, she doesn't seem to need as much sleep to be a happy baby. I guess I'd rather a happy baby than a grumpy baby who sleeps. I think. ;) I know I'll get through this and things will get better. That's the advantage of being on #2. I'm better able to just enjoy BabyG despite the challenges, knowing she will be this little for far too short a time. I just can't help hoping this little phase she's in is about over.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Mystery Baby Problem...Help, Please!
I am desperate for help with this issue, so I appreciate any moms or dads who can read through this quickly and let me know if they've experienced anything similar with any of their children and can guide me with what to do.
BabyG has been a spitter-upper from day one, but was not anywhere as bad as her reflux-ed older brother. She's also been notorious for not having the greatest latch during nursing and often sputters/sucks in air while nursing (I'm hoping to talk to my aunt, who's a lactation consultant, at my awesome cousin Amy's bridal shower next Saturday).
However, last Thursday or Friday(so when she turned five weeks old, basically) there was a sudden change in BabyG and I just can't figure out why. Symptoms that all began simultaneously and continue now include the following:
1. She went from pooping regularly (several times a day) to going a day or two in between.
2. She started being extremely gassy. I don't recall her having gas at all before but now she has it all the time, sometimes almost explosively.
3. Her spitting up increased (I would venture to say it doubled or even tripled) in both frequency and quantity. It also can be very explosive and projectile in nature. She now rivals LG in his spitting-up glory days.
4. From number 2 and 3, she seems extremely uncomfortable a lot of the time. Sometimes during nursing, sometimes afterward, sometimes in between feedings.
5. I don't think this one started at the same time as numbers 1-3 but is likely a result of them - she hesitates to nurse and sometimes won't start for a full minute or more. She obviously will WANT to nurse but will resist latching on.
This doesn't seem like reflux to me - I don't see a ton of tongue-thrusting or back-arching (though she has done a bit of each in the past). I've been able to put my finger on dairy, chocolate, and raw tomato bothering her, so I already avoid those. I thought initially that all of this behavior change was due to my having hummus a couple of times (and her reacting badly to trying to digest beans), but I haven't had hummus since Monday.
I think it's chiefly a gassiness issue - she sucks in air all the time. When she spits up, she gags and sucks LOTS of air in.
I think that covers everything. I'd really like to get this solved so she's not miserable so much of the time. I guess it could all come down to that poor latch that I hope to fix, but it's just weird to me that this all came on at once. I will likely take her to the pediatrician next week if I can't figure anything out.
Thanks for any help or wisdom you can provide in advance!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Vegan Days 12-13
Weights:
Day 12 - 137
Day 13 - 136.2
Workouts:
Day 12 - Level 3 of 30-day Shred (20 min)
Day 13 - No More Trouble Zones (a 55-min workout - finally!). Between yesterday and today I finally am starting to see some good definition again in my abs. I can't tell you how motivating that is!
Dinner on Day 11: Vegan Vegetable Dumpling Soup (adapted from Chicken and Vegetable Dumpling Soup from melskitchencafe.com):
Vegetables:
4 stalks celery, chopped
4 large carrots, sliced (12-14 baby carrots)
2 onions, chopped
Put the above in a large frying pan with 1-2 cups water and saute until the vegetables are tender. In the meantime, put 9 cups vegetable broth in a large stock pot and heat to boiling. While that's heating, chop about 8 medium red potatoes into 1" cubes. Add potatoes, vegetables and the following seasonings to the stockpot:
3 t salt
2 t dried thyme (ground is best)
1/2 t ground black pepper
In a small bowl, whisk together 1 cup cold water and 1/2 cup flour until smooth. Whisking the stockpot mixture vigorously, slowly pour the flour mixture in. Add 1 cup frozen peas to the stockpot and stir gently.
Dumplings: Mix dry ingredients first, then add and mix in the wet until combined. Don't overmix.
1 c white flour (we might trade 1/4 of this for flaxseed meal next time - Will's mom's idea)
1 c whole wheat flour
4 t baking powder
1 t salt
1/2 t dried thyme or sage
1 c almond milk + (add enough until the consistency is like a very thick pancake batter)
2 T oil (we used canola)
With the stockpot mixture boiling, drop the dumpling dough by teaspoons onto the surface of the stockpot mixture in a single layer - should cover the entire surface. Reduce the heat to simmering, cover, and cook for 15 minutes (don't lift the lid during this!).
This was ever so yum. I am not exaggerating when I say it was tastier than 70% of the non-vegan recipes I've made for dinner. Will's mom pointed out that the broth can be thickened with plain whole wheat flour (not mixed into liquid) - we did that to make some additional broth last night (Day 12), and with the salt, pepper and thyme, it made a DELICIOUS vegan gravy that we'll have to use in the future on mashed potatoes.
Another interesting note about this vegan thing is that I got SUPER full on one bowl of soup (a bit unusual as I've been known to be capable of packing a LOT of food in my tummy in one sitting) - then in a couple of hours, I was getting hungry again. I've been noticing that phenomenon in general, actually - my body wants to eat smaller amounts more frequently. This is something I've been told to do time and time again (but I've ignored the advice in the past, partly because I grew up with two 6-foot-4-and-up brothers and became a competitive eater from trying to keep up with them at mealtime). With the vegan lifestyle, though, it's just naturally occurring that my body WANTS to eat that way. I find that very intriguing!
Last note for today is a hearty thank you to my awesome visiting teachee, Alyssa Woolstenhume, for recommending foodgawker.com to me. LIFE-SAVER! This is my new favorite website. Allrecipes.com, my old comfy go-to for recipes, has a LOUSY vegan selection. Very disappointing. But at foodgawker, I can type in a single main ingredient in the searchbox like broccoli or mango or blackberries, limit the search to vegan recipes only, and see at LEAST a dozen mouth-watering pics of recipes that I can link right to to get the recipe from a blog. I have to sift through a few (no soy, and no "vegan buttery spread" - the latter must be for people who are vegan for moral reasons instead of health reasons, because I've seen the nutrition info on that buttery spread and it is appalling!!), but so many of the recipes are fairly simple, many are RAW (wow!), and there's just an endless resource to turn to for keeping interest and variety in what we're eating. Just knowing this is there makes me think that a vegan lifestyle could be sustainable for me long-term (overall. I still think we'll have some meat/eggs/dairy every now and then, but far less of it and far less often). The one thing I wish is that the blogs had more reviews of the recipes (most comments are, "wow, this looks delicious! I can't wait to try it!"), but in many ways not having the comments as a fallback makes me rely on my own skills and instincts in deciding what to change in a recipe to make it suit our tastes and needs. So maybe it will make me a better cook in the long run. I hope so!
Day 12 - 137
Day 13 - 136.2
Workouts:
Day 12 - Level 3 of 30-day Shred (20 min)
Day 13 - No More Trouble Zones (a 55-min workout - finally!). Between yesterday and today I finally am starting to see some good definition again in my abs. I can't tell you how motivating that is!
Dinner on Day 11: Vegan Vegetable Dumpling Soup (adapted from Chicken and Vegetable Dumpling Soup from melskitchencafe.com):
Vegetables:
4 stalks celery, chopped
4 large carrots, sliced (12-14 baby carrots)
2 onions, chopped
Put the above in a large frying pan with 1-2 cups water and saute until the vegetables are tender. In the meantime, put 9 cups vegetable broth in a large stock pot and heat to boiling. While that's heating, chop about 8 medium red potatoes into 1" cubes. Add potatoes, vegetables and the following seasonings to the stockpot:
3 t salt
2 t dried thyme (ground is best)
1/2 t ground black pepper
In a small bowl, whisk together 1 cup cold water and 1/2 cup flour until smooth. Whisking the stockpot mixture vigorously, slowly pour the flour mixture in. Add 1 cup frozen peas to the stockpot and stir gently.
Dumplings: Mix dry ingredients first, then add and mix in the wet until combined. Don't overmix.
1 c white flour (we might trade 1/4 of this for flaxseed meal next time - Will's mom's idea)
1 c whole wheat flour
4 t baking powder
1 t salt
1/2 t dried thyme or sage
1 c almond milk + (add enough until the consistency is like a very thick pancake batter)
2 T oil (we used canola)
With the stockpot mixture boiling, drop the dumpling dough by teaspoons onto the surface of the stockpot mixture in a single layer - should cover the entire surface. Reduce the heat to simmering, cover, and cook for 15 minutes (don't lift the lid during this!).
This was ever so yum. I am not exaggerating when I say it was tastier than 70% of the non-vegan recipes I've made for dinner. Will's mom pointed out that the broth can be thickened with plain whole wheat flour (not mixed into liquid) - we did that to make some additional broth last night (Day 12), and with the salt, pepper and thyme, it made a DELICIOUS vegan gravy that we'll have to use in the future on mashed potatoes.
Another interesting note about this vegan thing is that I got SUPER full on one bowl of soup (a bit unusual as I've been known to be capable of packing a LOT of food in my tummy in one sitting) - then in a couple of hours, I was getting hungry again. I've been noticing that phenomenon in general, actually - my body wants to eat smaller amounts more frequently. This is something I've been told to do time and time again (but I've ignored the advice in the past, partly because I grew up with two 6-foot-4-and-up brothers and became a competitive eater from trying to keep up with them at mealtime). With the vegan lifestyle, though, it's just naturally occurring that my body WANTS to eat that way. I find that very intriguing!
Last note for today is a hearty thank you to my awesome visiting teachee, Alyssa Woolstenhume, for recommending foodgawker.com to me. LIFE-SAVER! This is my new favorite website. Allrecipes.com, my old comfy go-to for recipes, has a LOUSY vegan selection. Very disappointing. But at foodgawker, I can type in a single main ingredient in the searchbox like broccoli or mango or blackberries, limit the search to vegan recipes only, and see at LEAST a dozen mouth-watering pics of recipes that I can link right to to get the recipe from a blog. I have to sift through a few (no soy, and no "vegan buttery spread" - the latter must be for people who are vegan for moral reasons instead of health reasons, because I've seen the nutrition info on that buttery spread and it is appalling!!), but so many of the recipes are fairly simple, many are RAW (wow!), and there's just an endless resource to turn to for keeping interest and variety in what we're eating. Just knowing this is there makes me think that a vegan lifestyle could be sustainable for me long-term (overall. I still think we'll have some meat/eggs/dairy every now and then, but far less of it and far less often). The one thing I wish is that the blogs had more reviews of the recipes (most comments are, "wow, this looks delicious! I can't wait to try it!"), but in many ways not having the comments as a fallback makes me rely on my own skills and instincts in deciding what to change in a recipe to make it suit our tastes and needs. So maybe it will make me a better cook in the long run. I hope so!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Vegan Days 7-11 (Catch Up)
Workouts:
Day 7 - Six Week Sixpack Level 1
Day 8 - 30-day Shred Level 1
Day 9 - 30-day Shred Level 2
Day 10- Sunday
Day 11- Six Week Sixpack Level 2. I know these are all the shorter workouts - I really need to discipline myself to get to bed earlier, because I want to do the hour-long ones but I also don't want to get sick from sleeping less than 7 hours a night all the time. I got sick in mid-June and it TOTALLY threw off a 10-week streak of consistent workouts and decent eating, and it sure seems like a lot of tummy flab came back in a very short amount of time as a result. So although working out six days a week is a very high priority for me right now, so is getting as close to 8 hours of sleep a night as I can. There's this nasty time-vortex when I come home from work each night, though, and I always find myself getting to bed after 11PM. Rats!
Weights:
Day 7 - I forget, but I guess it doesn't really matter anymore, does it?
Day 8 - 136.8
Day 9 - 136.6
Day 10- 136.4
Day 11- 137.4 (yes, I weighed it twice to make sure - and yes, you bet I'm annoyed. I know the .2/day decrease is little, but it was consistent and I was hoping things would keep going in that direction. It's not like I pigged out yesterday!)
Food:
- Continued leftovers
- Dr. Praeger's California Veggie Burgers from Costco. (MorningStar veggie burgers and black bean burgers are not vegan, in case you didn't know, and Boca Burgers are made of soy.) Will grilled these patties and we piled on the condiments - pickles for Will, tomatoes for Gretel, and romaine, non-high-fructose-corn-syrup ketchup, mustard, and Daiya shredded cheese on top for both of us (one patty each on a bun). With all the fixins, these were really good. If you didn't have fixins, they'd be nasty. I also made some Sweet Potato Fries (no dip, of course) which were good but not as good as the last time I made them - I think it was the potato quality.
- Last night Will's mom made a YUMMY dinner that I think I will crave at least weekly, and which is entirely guilt free (we've had similar stuff before, I just need to remember how much I love it and make it more often). About a dozen red potatoes, sliced really thin, six carrots also sliced thin, two chopped onions (we could even do more next time), salt and pepper. Dump all in a LARGE frying pan (potatoes on bottom, then carrots and then onions on top) with 1-2 cups water. Cover tightly and cook on medium/high I think until you hear it start to dry out, then uncover and move things around frequently so they don't burn on the bottom (much, anyway - I like them a little burnt!). When the water has mostly cooked off, serve 'em up with some ketchup. The potatoes just melt in your mouth and the flavor is fantastic.
- For lunch today, I had a lettuce/tomato/hummus sandwich, and I absolutely LOVED it. Might not ever need to pay for lunchmeat again...SO good!
DESSERTS:
I have found that I absolutely must have some kind of dessert to look forward to at night. If I don't, I think I honestly will go crazy. Here are two FABULOUS vegan recipes that I challenge non-vegans to try and tell me they're not delicious. I also want to note that I replaced the oil with applesauce in both recipes and they were STILL amazing. Will and I make sure to keep our portions small, but just something little to reward ourselves helps us carry on with this stuff.
- Chocolate Chip Cookie Pudding Cake (very close to the Hot Fudge Pudding Cake from America's Test Kitchen. I say it rivals the richer cousin, but Will would want to try them side-by-side. I think that was a hint.) I used almond milk instead of soy.
- Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies (I doubled this, used half whole wheat flour and it ended up needing more flour at the end. Possibly because I used agave instead of evaporated cane juice?).
-Currently cooking up (still) some Apple Butter (used agave and brown sugar instead of white sugar, and at Will's mom's suggestion included some lemon juice and apple cider vinegar). We had a huge bag of apples from Costco that we weren't eating and were taking up room in the fridge, so that's why I decided to make this. It's throwing me off, though, because the kitchen/house smells like Autumn! Whoops! :-)
Lastly to report, I got our first Bountiful Baskets order on Saturday morning. Excited to get started on it! Bananas, honeydew, tomatoes, nectarines (I think), kale, romaine, broccoli, cauliflower, blackberries, and mangoes. YUM!
Day 7 - Six Week Sixpack Level 1
Day 8 - 30-day Shred Level 1
Day 9 - 30-day Shred Level 2
Day 10- Sunday
Day 11- Six Week Sixpack Level 2. I know these are all the shorter workouts - I really need to discipline myself to get to bed earlier, because I want to do the hour-long ones but I also don't want to get sick from sleeping less than 7 hours a night all the time. I got sick in mid-June and it TOTALLY threw off a 10-week streak of consistent workouts and decent eating, and it sure seems like a lot of tummy flab came back in a very short amount of time as a result. So although working out six days a week is a very high priority for me right now, so is getting as close to 8 hours of sleep a night as I can. There's this nasty time-vortex when I come home from work each night, though, and I always find myself getting to bed after 11PM. Rats!
Weights:
Day 7 - I forget, but I guess it doesn't really matter anymore, does it?
Day 8 - 136.8
Day 9 - 136.6
Day 10- 136.4
Day 11- 137.4 (yes, I weighed it twice to make sure - and yes, you bet I'm annoyed. I know the .2/day decrease is little, but it was consistent and I was hoping things would keep going in that direction. It's not like I pigged out yesterday!)
Food:
- Continued leftovers
- Dr. Praeger's California Veggie Burgers from Costco. (MorningStar veggie burgers and black bean burgers are not vegan, in case you didn't know, and Boca Burgers are made of soy.) Will grilled these patties and we piled on the condiments - pickles for Will, tomatoes for Gretel, and romaine, non-high-fructose-corn-syrup ketchup, mustard, and Daiya shredded cheese on top for both of us (one patty each on a bun). With all the fixins, these were really good. If you didn't have fixins, they'd be nasty. I also made some Sweet Potato Fries (no dip, of course) which were good but not as good as the last time I made them - I think it was the potato quality.
- Last night Will's mom made a YUMMY dinner that I think I will crave at least weekly, and which is entirely guilt free (we've had similar stuff before, I just need to remember how much I love it and make it more often). About a dozen red potatoes, sliced really thin, six carrots also sliced thin, two chopped onions (we could even do more next time), salt and pepper. Dump all in a LARGE frying pan (potatoes on bottom, then carrots and then onions on top) with 1-2 cups water. Cover tightly and cook on medium/high I think until you hear it start to dry out, then uncover and move things around frequently so they don't burn on the bottom (much, anyway - I like them a little burnt!). When the water has mostly cooked off, serve 'em up with some ketchup. The potatoes just melt in your mouth and the flavor is fantastic.
- For lunch today, I had a lettuce/tomato/hummus sandwich, and I absolutely LOVED it. Might not ever need to pay for lunchmeat again...SO good!
DESSERTS:
I have found that I absolutely must have some kind of dessert to look forward to at night. If I don't, I think I honestly will go crazy. Here are two FABULOUS vegan recipes that I challenge non-vegans to try and tell me they're not delicious. I also want to note that I replaced the oil with applesauce in both recipes and they were STILL amazing. Will and I make sure to keep our portions small, but just something little to reward ourselves helps us carry on with this stuff.
- Chocolate Chip Cookie Pudding Cake (very close to the Hot Fudge Pudding Cake from America's Test Kitchen. I say it rivals the richer cousin, but Will would want to try them side-by-side. I think that was a hint.) I used almond milk instead of soy.
- Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies (I doubled this, used half whole wheat flour and it ended up needing more flour at the end. Possibly because I used agave instead of evaporated cane juice?).
-Currently cooking up (still) some Apple Butter (used agave and brown sugar instead of white sugar, and at Will's mom's suggestion included some lemon juice and apple cider vinegar). We had a huge bag of apples from Costco that we weren't eating and were taking up room in the fridge, so that's why I decided to make this. It's throwing me off, though, because the kitchen/house smells like Autumn! Whoops! :-)
Lastly to report, I got our first Bountiful Baskets order on Saturday morning. Excited to get started on it! Bananas, honeydew, tomatoes, nectarines (I think), kale, romaine, broccoli, cauliflower, blackberries, and mangoes. YUM!
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